Fieldnotes - 8
Loving-Kindness Meditation (Toward Others)
As we’ve noted in our previous post, we can expand and build our loving-kindness practice to include other beings, whom we might have variety of relations with in our lives. In this practice we direct well-wishing phrases toward different people in our lives, such as a new neighbor, a person who has helped carrying our grocery bag, a high-powered person in the government or perhaps someone who yells at us for no apparent reason. At the core of this practice, for each person, we attempt to cultivate the practice of connection, attention and kindness.
Taking the time to think of others in our hearts quietly and wishing them well is quite a challenge, especially toward those who we feel somewhat distant and cold. Taking just a few minutes a day to reflect in this way is a powerful path to transformation.
The important point is that we don’t have to fabricate a contrived emotions as we silently express the phrases of lovingkindness to each person or acting like we fancy the person we when we actually don’t. Rather, this practice is about acknowledging our connection to each person we include in our meditation.
Also, the key to practicing lovingkindness is our realization of the fact that all human beings want to be part of something fulfilling or meaningful in life; we’re all susceptible to change and loss; that our lives can suddenly turn on upside down as we could lose a loved one, have an illness or have financial difficulties.
It’s observed that when practicing loving-kindness toward others regularly, you start to see where the actions of difficult people are coming from: From a place of pain. And once you see this, then compassion toward others starts to arise within.
Now, in this practice, we’ll work though expanding our practice of lovingkindness toward others.
Remember the well-wishing phrases we built on our previous meditation toward ourselves: may I be well. May I be happy. May I be safe…”. Now, we settle these phrases to those we have a different relations with.
Throughout the meditation practice, we visualize the image/face/appearance of the person in front us and feel their presence and energy. Ten we say their name to ourselves and direct the phrases of lovingkindness to them. We collect all of our energy and silently say that one phrase. We bring out attention just one phrase at a time. Don’t bring out any tension to create any fake feeling or sentiment. Deeply relax and let the power of your intention paves the way.
As we do in every meditation practice, whenever you realize that your mind wanders arpund, please let go and begin again and repeat the phrases.
As a suggestion, the particular order of people (benefactor) whom you will direct this meditation toward might be as follows:
1. Someone who has helped or has become generous to us or someone who inspired us
2. A friend who is doing well, having a successful and fortunate life.
3. A friend who is having some kind of difficulty in life considering business, family, health, etc.
4. Someone neutral. Someone we don’t necessarily like or dislike
5. Someone you find mildly difficult, annoying or irritating.
6. Someone who is really giving you a hard time.
7. Be creative and spontaneous in choosing the next person, a person you’ve just met, your pet, your parents, your mother-in-low, so on and so forth.
Considering the above order, you practice loving-kindness meditation one by one visualizing each and every person in your list.
Now, please sit comfortably. Close your eyes or keep them half open gazing at an object in front of you. Say their name to yourself and begin to offer the phrases of lovingkindness to them. May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease...Repeat these phrases couple of times…
Then you can simply move to the next person, say their name, feel their presence and repeat the process. May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease...Repeat these phrases couple of times…
If you don’t know or remember the name of the person in particular, just feel their presence and get a feeling for them.
When it comes to the difficult person, we suggest you don’t start with the person who’s giving you the most harm, rather start with a mildly difficult person. Another aspect of this practice is also taking the risk of becoming adventurous and seeing what happens when we look at the person from a different stand-point and offer these phrases: May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you free from suffering...
Another important point is that if you find really challenging to offer these phrases to the most difficult person and if you feel overwhelmed or be filled with unsettling emotions, then simply go back to offering love and kindness to yourself. Think of yourself as deserving of love and care and generate the phrases for yourself.
Remember offering lovingkindness to someone who’s behaved badly doesn’t mean we condone their action or that we’re trying to pretend it doesn’t matter. It may matter very much but we can have the courage and the willingness to open. To remember the possibility of change. To realize that we ourselves are freed by wishing them well.
At the end of this meditation and when feel ready you can open your eyes to see how you can continue practicing this meditation throughout the day.
Adapted from the teaching of Sharon Salzberg