Loving-Kindness Meditation Meditation (toward ourselves)

Loving-kindness, also called “Metta” in Pali language, is the ability to accept ourselves as a whole and approach others with same sincerity, love, kindness and care.

Loving-kindness Meditation practice can be performed toward ourselves as well as toward close friends and families, or can be extended to those who happen to irritate or annoy us one way or another in our daily life.

In addition, we could include in our meditation those people who has some kind of function in our lives directly or indirectly, like the cab-driver we often have casual conversation with. Furthermore, it may even comprise of other beings such as children, or human companions like our pets and others’.

So, first, let’s start with Lovingkindness practice directed to ourselves.

During this meditation, some intentional well-wishing words, phrases and expressions become the center for our attention and awareness. This practice strengthens our well-being with connection, caring, and kindness to ourselves.

We use our imagination and visualization to create a bond between ourselves and the care, kindness and regard of the people loving us.

Why do we need to show loving and compassion to yourselves in the first place? Well, most of us have an inner critic that constantly produces self-judgement and unconsciously guide our behavior and well-being. This in turn causes us to beat ourselves up and makes our stress level increase. Ultimately, we need to admit that stress is part of life and we are all human beings and we all make mistakes. Therefore we don’t need to add extra stress on top of that creating vicious circles of negative self-talk. So, beware of your persistent unnoticed patterns of thoughts, phrases, attitudes, ways that dictates your self-critic and are not helpful and constructive.

As part of loving-kindness meditation, we silently repeat well-wishing phrases, “May I be well”, to ourselves and science proves that technique may help rewire our brains. It is transformative.

The purpose is to develop friendliness, kind-attitude and compassion toward ourselves. Research shows that when we are armed with self-compassion, we exhibit more resilience, ruminate less and able to learn from our set-backs much easier. When we are kind to ourselves, our whole system starts to relax. It helps us cultivate a friendlier attitude. Remember, healthier response to stress and other challenges ion our lives by changing our habits with efforts is always possible.For example, do you think you have the general tendency of ignoring the presence of strangers or people you don’t know well? Then, you can curiously experiment with being open and aware, taking an interest and connecting. Do you think you have the habit of not really listening while conversing with others? Then, you can curiously investigate with being more fully present with the person you speak to. Do you have the general tendency of classifying and dismissing people based on what you think you know about them, then you can make space with listening with fresh ears, giving your full attention. If you’re wholehearted, open, interested, you may find that people surprise you.

In this respect, this loving-kindness practice is quite an experiment in attention and exercise in changing our frame of reference in looking at ourselves and others by stepping out of our habitual thinking. In time, we can become more present with ourselves and others and bring out the goodness in ourselves.

Moreover, the quality of lovingkindness is embedded in the meditation practice, implicitly and explicitly. First of all, the moment we sit and start to focus on our breath, we may become easily distracted with our thoughts taking us somewhere between the past and the future.

And this, in fact, is the focal point in our practice. Because this is when we can have the freedom to become gentle and have some compassion to ourselves, rather than being harsh or un-constructive. We can gently let go and begin again. This way, we can have the opportunity to cultivate and deepen lovingkindness for yourself.

Secondly, we can connect to the love and compassion that do exist in the world.

How?

Now please sit in a comfortable position. You can close your eyes or keep it half open gazing at an object in front of you. Imagine yourself sitting in the center of a circle of people. This circle include the most loving people you’ve met or become inspired by. They may even become historical or mythical figures from the past or future. Imagine you’re surrounded by this circle of beings and you are right at the heart of it. In a way, you’re the center of this circle of love. You can imagine yourself as the recipient of the loving and kind energy of the attention, of the care, of the regard of all of these beings.

Next, you can silently repeat your phrases you would wish the most for yourself. Not just for today, but in an enduring way. Phrases that are big, that are open. Traditionally phrases are things like, “May I be safe, May I be happy, May I be healthy, May I live with ease”. You can create your own phrases that are relevant and important to you. “May I be peaceful. May I be free of suffering. May I be filled with lovingkindness”. You can concentrate of three or four phrases.

Bring your attention on repeating these phrases as you keep visualizing yourself in the center of that circle. During this practice, many different emotions may arise. You may feel gratitude and awe. Whatever emotion may come to surface, you can just let it pass through you. Your hallmark is those phrases. “May I be happy. May I be peaceful.” Or the phrases you’re chosen.

Imagine your skin is spongy and with this whole loving energy coming from this group of caring people are coming in. Visualize yourself receiving this prime energy. Feel this: There’s nothing special you need to do to deserve this kind of loving, regard, embracement, acknowledgement or care. It’s simply because you exist. That fact alone is enough.

Once you receive this beautiful energy, you can allow that quality of lovingkindness and compassion to direct right back out toward that circle, and then toward all beings everywhere in the world by transforming what you receive into giving.

The quality of care and kindness that does exist in this world can become a part of you and part of what you express in return.

And when you feel ready, you can open your eyes.

When you finish this meditation, you can also show gratitude and appreciate your efforts to take the time and practice this meditation toward happiness.

Adapted from the teachings of Sharon Salzberg and Sebene Selassie